Tips that will help you cope with depression and been through a divorce.
A breakup is always a small death. But despite the pain and disappointment, we must move on! How to overcome this difficult period, tell the psychologist.
I wish everything was as before! So – he’s close to without scandals and quarrels. And even if scandals, after they were come to a rapid reconciliation. And that he never uttered that fateful phrase: “I am leaving you…”
When there is a gap, the first impulse – whatever was the return of a loved one. But if he wants to come back? If not, then most likely you will spend a lot of time and effort wasted. These attempts to wear out the psyche and can lead to very unpleasant consequences for your personality.
Parting can be compared with the loss (death), and stages of the experience of divorce with the stages of experiencing the loss of a loved one:
– Denial
– Anger, aggression
– Bargaining – agreement with God, with man
– Depression
– Adoption
Typically, there are three key stages at which people get stuck in the experience of separation – anger (aggression), bargaining and depression. Let us consider in more detail – why?
Anger or aggression
Anger has nothing to do with offense, anger is a very powerful blast of negative energy that just needs an outlet, otherwise it will tear you up inside. Anger is necessary to show activity for us. This is normal when a person is angry and shows it: the tears, tantrums, breaking dishes, etc. Anger gives us a great resource when we’re angry – we begin to look for weaknesses in our partner, our attention is most focused on the negative, and thus destroyed the perfect image that we had created. From the point of view of neuropsychology – is the destruction of neural connections, i.e., connections with the past.
Very often people start in the period of experiencing separation to be mad at themselves: I’m not, I’m not…. Mindful of self-worth: you are a person who makes a mistake and develops, no matter what!
Of course, there is another kind of aggression – active aggression when I want to do something nasty to the person who betrayed you. You must understand that you are in a poor state of repair, and right now you can not be objective and relevant to assess the situation, the consequences of which can be very bad. Find a way to let off steam without causing any physical damage. It is always better to break up a photo of ex-husband than to set fire to the upholstery of his front door!
Torg
Then you need to decide for yourself – what do I want? If the person is well passed the stage of anger, the bargaining stage is easier and faster. Your main task at this stage is not to go back, do not be tempted to go back to my comfort zone, because past relationships is a comfort zone.
Depression
The most protracted phase, since the most difficult thing here is to raise the hands and continue to live life to the fullest. Observe the following guidelines:
– To speak, to pronounce their grief, their emotions (since emotions under pressure, experience going over the edge, and hurt feelings). Your companion can be a close person – friend, mother, but only if you are sure that in response to your complaint you will not hear a portion of criticism. It is also useful to throw out your thoughts on paper or keep a private blog.
– Move – life in motion. Exercise, running, dance – all of this relieves stress and fatigue, even though you are physically tired after workouts, but they give you vitality, and the charge of endorphins, hormones of happiness.
– Smile – as often as possible and to the greatest possible number of people! If you stepped on the foot in transport, smile and wish the person a nice day!
