The story of the officer who currently is an officer of the GRU Spetsnaz.
In the spring of ‘ 95, when there was a slight lull in the beautiful and peaceful city of Grozny, I “Borz” the horse pulled up to the boss and summon yourself a week off. Chef motivated me all sorts of boring words, I’m motivated by the boss and appeal to his concussion and injury. Finally, our Colonel spat in my direction, but hit his boot and said “you…th you so a week as a bayonet.”
Instructing all who can and I pulled in to his home. Upon arrival, I heard from the ancestors of a bunch of laments and teachings, sat at the table with the family and departed for his apartment. There is, accordingly, called on all our friends and the evening began on a Grand drunk. People had a lot of vodka and snacks even more pronounced toasts songs were sung, someone quietly intelligent and purely civilian puke in the toilet.
In the process of drinking I heard a few phone calls and someone cheerful male voice asked:
— And that’s flat about it?
— Yes, I replied.
— And tomorrow you will be in place?
Yeah blah, zahodite, hangover – defy me, and hung up several times, soon I got tired and I sent the callers to his distant ancestral home.
Long after midnight, after all, I flopped to bed. In the morning he got up, long could not understand where we are, hysterically shouted:
— Semakin, bitch HDE coffee, grey shower.
Finally I realized that my sailor Semakin remained in Grozny and a shower is not necessary to heat the diesel, and you just have to open the faucet. Somehow getting up and dressed, I trudged to the kitchen. And then brain stormed the trill of the doorbell…
“Who’s rushing?” I thought, and opened the door.
On the landing lingered two intelligent policeman and a captain with engineering buttonholes on the new camouflage.
— Hi, – he said cheerfully.
— Hey, – I muttered, – What did you want? Che is not like???
The captain chuckled, apparently my appearance was a true pleasure, really worth the half-drunk body in sweat pants, t-shirt, with a fresh scar on the face and disrespectful. Kept biting the inside of his indignation, the captain very politely asked me to ride with them. I thought that somehow our city authorities, it became known that the gallant hero of the Chechen war came to his hometown and wish I would be invited to some reception.
The captain said that in principle they are on the car and I slipped on a sports jacket and swapping sneakers for running shoes, went with them to the entrance. Then it all resembled a bad dream.
Near the entrance stood a “funnel” as I stood there, mouth open, cops quickly shoved me in the cage and slammed the door.
— EEEEE, urody, what are you doing, – I shouted.
— Shut up, jerk, dead, ‘ said the sapper captain, cops supported him whinny.
Then everything was like a theater of the absurd. I was taken to the military enlistment office and stuck it in the Assembly hall to the pile of half-drunken recruits, the doors stood mabuta and proudly left to rot recruits.
Someone yelling that I’m a senior Lieutenant, the representative of the intelligence of the Pacific fleet and the current that came from the storming of Grozny was completely pointless.
Then came the captain, who was the chief of the division of recruitment. He began to read a list of commands and listen to all suggestions absolutely did not want to serve as conscripts.
I’m stuck sat on a stool and remained silent.
Then came the Commissar and the captain ordered: “Attention!” Needless to say, a habit I jumped up and pulled his hands at his sides, the rest of the recruits looking at me lazily began to climb.
The Commissar said a few commencement speeches and then presented mautanova Sergeant who tried to tell how cool to serve in the infantry…
The story of a Sergeant I spiced their comments.
— You will learn to shoot from all weapons – squeal fat Sergeant.
— And you have not taught??? – I asked.
Commissar snorts, captain purples, recruits bellow.
— Yes I am!!! – bristle mabuta.
The clerk looks over his cheeks what buhteli me.
The Sergeant decided that I will get to them in part, and then I’m screwed. He secretly showed me his fists, something snuffles, short speech I tore. The Commissar shouted at us, lifted me up and said these words.
— That you, comrade conscript, a few years running from the call, and now you have to pay Home duty, I will personally make sure you hit one part with comrade Sergeant. Mabuta quite grunted.
— And who told you, comrade Colonel, that I Home have something??? And why in Mabuchi? – I specifically stressed the word mabuta.
– What two years near a Bmpshki die???
The Commissar opened his mouth and managed to say:
— And you know what a BMP and???
I slowly gave him the hands and about the BMP-1 and BMP-2 armored personnel carriers and about, all I remember from school.
Mabuta abating, he lured everything and didn’t understand what was going on, so many clever war of words about the BMP he-you probably never heard of. The Commissar grunted in surprise and looked at cap and then asked me:
“You ready Sergeant, and why you wish to serve???
— There is one reason, comrade Colonel, but I need to go home, some documents to take, and a Sergeant, you called me in vain.
The Commissar flipped out, said I will not let go and left. Cap angrily rubbing his hands moved along with a Sergeant to me:
— Come talk, tovarish recruit.
Yeah come on captain, very loosely I said.
We moved to the office of captain and Sergeant mabuta tried to push to cheer me up. All three of us went to the office and I realized that right now I will start to bring the fists.
The way it was. The captain sat down at the table, while the Sergeant tried to break my plywood. I faithfully took charge. The Sergeant chuckled and the current opened my mouth. I slammed him with all the hate low-kick to the left thigh.
Hmm, four years in the College section have not been in vain, Sergeant collapsed the sack on the four dice and soskreb hands trying to hug his bruised leg. The captain tried to jump.
— Th captain postavljam decided activities? angrily I asked him.
He silently opened his mouth. Finally, giving the magic pendalya Sergeant, I proudly retired from the military.
Then the countdown went for minutes. Knowing that I will catch, I podhvatil taxi and hastily rushed home. At home I have time to shave, pin on epaulettes more College black PN tarlavsky third star, hitched recently received “brave” medal, to beat as it takes and put in the pockets of documents. And I only brought herself up came a demanding calls at the door and cries…
– If you are not open – break.
I opened wide the door. Hmm, the SWAT team now consisted of me and bruised Sergeant. Silent scene of the INSPECTOR was nothing compared to the dumb scene that I saw.
— Well, che, come on, Imbeciles, – I blurted out and quietly closing the door, began to descend to the “funnel”.
Needless to say that Sergeant mabota went to the recruiting office in the monkey, with fear looked at me and softly whines. The captain kept a heroic silence.
— Well, excuse me, comrade senior Lieutenant, messed up head of Department, mess up, when you entered the school, the Department recruits the other was sitting, and that it didn’t work out there, you searched for as deviating. And arrived in Military educational institutions did not think to look. Mdaaa…
The night of the captain exposed me to “the pub”, and a bunch of “my” recruits saw me in the form decided a long time speechless. One and all wished to serve in the glorious marine corps.
